You Can Lead a Horse to Water
by purpleelephantspinkhippos
Summary: Short Oneshot. What Happens when Sirius and James find a unicorn? Will it be utter chaos when they bring it back to the castle? Completely Random! I'm sorry if it upsets your mind!


Disclaimer: I don't own any recognizable names or anything like that...just the strangeness.

on with the random!

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**You Can Lead A Horse to Water**

by me!

It was the typical October Saturday afternoon. The sun was shining brightly, the lake was shimmering with the slight breeze, and the students were lazying about the grounds, thankful for a day of rest. Especially the fifth years, who were preparing for their O.W.L's. Yes, the day was fabulous, but peace would soon end.

"Remus. Remus. REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMUSSSSS!" called a very impatient Sirius Black. I would say he's 6 foot, with black hair pushed slightly into his dark brown eyes. Oh yes, the female population found him quite dapper, but that is not why we are here in this story.

"RemusRemusRemusRemusRemus!!!!!!!!!!!! REEEEEEM-"

"WHAT!? What the bloody hell do you want? Can a person not quietly read when they feel the need without you getting in their face? Honestly! I know some of us might not have the good looks of an underware model, but we are intelligent!"

"Oh Remus! I'm flatulant!"

"Excuse you! Warn us when you do that next time Padfoot!" complained a sleeping Peter Pettigrew, who was looking quite tired at the time.

"Urg! That is not what I meant! I meant flattered and I'm bored..."

"I thought you were Sirius. And if you're so bored, why don't you go find James? I'm sure he is off drooling over Lily and is in great need of attention." suggested Remus as he re-opened his book and turned to page 573.

And Sirius took the suggestion and sure enough, he found James sitting on a bench in the courtyard doing just as Remus had said... drooling over Lily Evans, the prettiest girl in the school.

_Damn. Remus is a damn seer fortune teller mind reader type thing._ Sirius thought as he walked over to James and closed his mouth.

James snapped out of his zombie like ways. "Let's go into the forest. It sounds like a good idea. Let's go now for hours and hours and hours and hours and... what was I saying?"

"Let's go into the forest and do something stupid." This was always the best idea for Sirius.

And something stupid they did. After many manly flatulants and burps, the occasional "OMG LILY EVANS IS GORGEOUS" outbursts from James, and the ever awesome random questions like "what's your favorite type of underware", they finally made it to a dark area in the woods...they were lost. And silly them forgot their wands.

"Shit, this sucks man!" said James as he clumsily triped over nothing. When people get lost, they panick first, but the laziness of the day caused them to do nothing but mellow and sit, sit and mellow. But suddenly, a white glow reached their eyes. The most brilliant light that ever glowed in such a dark area. It was so shiny, beconing Sirius and James from the ground to a deeper area in the woods. It was a unicorn.

"Oh. EM. GEE! A pony! I want it now, James. I've always wanted one and its here in front of us and can we catch it and can i pleeeeeaaasssee have it!"

"Shut up. You'll scare it. The only way to catch these things is to throw a blanket over it first. Then we can both keep the pony, even though it looks alot like a unicorn." Luckily, Sirius had a very large blanket that somehow folded and fit inside his pocket. What they thought would be a hard task of catching a full grown, very fast unicorn actually seemed to be the easiest thing they've done all day...besides sitting and doing nothing all day. And since that was the only thing they'd done, this task was actually difficult.

"Let's name him Pretty Pony Face! Oh I'm so good at picking names, aren't I James!" He's perfect! Can I ride him?" Sirius asked nervously, like a child pestering his mom for a toy.

"Okay, sure. Love that name. But I want to ride him too!" Luckily James had a large saddle in his very loverly pink purse, which he put onto Pretty Pony Face. It was a fun ride out of the forest, but when they were out, it was dusk and everyone was eating supper. Where were they going to put Pretty Pony Face?

"Dormitory!" They said in unison, which was quite odd, but they thought nothing of it and led Pretty Pony Face into the castle and up to the dormitory. It was very fun in the dormitory until Remus came up, luckily before anyone else had finished dinner.

Sirius and James, being precautious and intellegent, threw the huge blanket over Pretty Pony Face, hiding him from Remus' wandering eyes. "Um, what is that huge lump in the blanket?"

_Damn his overly large brain_! James and Sirius thought in unison.

"Uh. Um. Well that is definatly not a unicorn if that's what you think. It is definatly a um-"

"It's a first year hiding from his friends. Yes sir that is what it definatly is." Sirius finished lamely.

"That was a lame excuse. You need to step it up to the usual notch, Padfoot. What is it really?" Remus asked as he lifted the blanket a little to peek inside.

"NOTHING! What do unicorns eat?" Sirius asked. Oh he thought he was so discreet. But Remus was to smart for that.

"Take him back to the forest now! Honestly! He's going to crap all over the place and he just isn't meant for indoors. Look at his beauty, shining like the sea. You can't keep something that pure indoors." Noble Remus said.

"Tell that to Prongs' virginity!"

"Sirius! Gosh, thanks alot. Now Moony here knows too!" James reddened very much so.

"Um, the entire school practically knows." Remus said plainly.

"Oh great. Just GREAT! Now, everyone knows and I'm going to be a virgin for the rest of my life and I will never ever get Lily because I haven't DONE IT!!!!" James began crying.

"Wow, I didn't know guys could get PMS." said a certain Lily Evans as she walked down the stairs. "Now, that unicorn needs fresh air...like your man parts." she giggled.

"I suppose you guys are right. I mean, we played with him all day James. It has probably been the best day of Pretty Pony Face's life, but you know, It's like that saying... "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." Sirius stated, looking quite scholarly.

"Sirius, if that made any sense at all, it would have been pretty awesome. But why don't we all take Pretty whatsitsface back home? Okay? James, do you need a tissue."

"No Remus." James said as he smeared snot all on his trousers. "Let's get this over with!"

The four teens walked through the halls and out onto the grounds with a unicorn, all in plain sight with out anyone noticing. They reached the edge of the forest when Sirius and James broke out into a crying, tantrum fit.

"Remus, we can't let him go! We love him so much! We've had so many good times. We smoked weed together, we had a pillow fight, we drank fine wine, we love this horse. We can't let Pretty Pony Face go! Please NO NO NO!" kicked Sirius as he screamed.

"Please NOOOOOOOOOOOO SIRIUS! This is the worst day of my life!"

"Shut Up Potter!" Lily ordered as she smiled at the pathetic duo.

"A kiss would make it better." Maybe James should have specified who he wanted a kiss from, for Pretty Pony Face leaned over and gave him a kiss. "OH GOD I'VE BEEN VIALATED BY A FREAKIN' ANIMAL! GET HIM OUT OF HERE!"

It was as though Pretty Pony Face wanted to leave anyways, because he found the moment a perfect one for a quick getaway."NO! James how could you!" screamed Sirius.

"It's like you said, Sirius." James said, wipping tears away from his eyes, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."

"What DOES that even mean?" Sirius asked as he got off the muddy ground.

James didn't know. Nor did anyone else. Well actually, Lily and Remus knew, but they decided not to mention anything to the two. And as the cresent moon rose, they made their way back to the castle, and into their own beds so that they could awaken the next morning to do something equally stupid.

And Pretty Pony Face? He found his way back home quickly and fell asleep. Luckily, when Voldemort comes, he never has his shiny blood sucked out. HORRRRAAAYYYY!

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OMG THAT WAS SO...SO...

Stupid. oh well, I had the idea at like 3 in the morning, and you know how those ideas can be sometimes.

Please tell me what you think. It was kinda rushed. i might touch up on it later.

Well...GOODNIGHT!

purpleelephantspinkhippos


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